Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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