also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
