so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
