addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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