U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
