She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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