apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
