I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
