I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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