My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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