I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
