i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
