you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I party with great urgency now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
