Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
