People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They took my balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
