The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
