i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
