Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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