please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
