Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
