Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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