Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope mine doesn't look like that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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