...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
