I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Alive.
So much puke
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
