It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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