Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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