...so i touched it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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