No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
