We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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