They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
