omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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