I heard we made out
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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