Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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