Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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