When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
