yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
