I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
