she woke up with a sticky ear
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
