Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
