I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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