From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
