Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
