so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
