We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
