Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
