Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
