Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
