You're my little dorito
Apparently you make a good broom.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
