I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
