the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
