i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
