i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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