DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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