It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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